Dear Victoria,
I just wanted to welcome you and David to America. I watched your television show about you moving to the USA. It made me want to talk in an English Accent and wear high heels (Two things that I don't do well).
Just wanted you to know I really like you and we are going to be friends Major!
Your new American Friend (who is way more fun than Katie Holmes),
Ryanne Witt
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Dear Ryanne,
While I appreciate your offer to be my friend major, I have to contest that Katie Holmes has more time and money to burn on shopping...also, she can offer me crazy spiritual guidance.
The only way for you to retain spot #1 would be for you to sing and dance to "Come on, Come on" from my movie Spice World.
Knickers,
Victoria
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